Il segreto di Maria
I
Quando si trovò faccia a faccia col suo passato, capì di essere sola. Voleva sprofondare in un baratro profondo migliaia di metri da dove non avrebbe più avvertito il suono della voce altrui. Quanto peso aveva avuto l’opinione degli altri nella sua esistenza! Ogni sua scelta era condizionata da un rimprovero o da un futuro rimorso. Stare accovacciata ai piedi di quella statua immobile, gelida e silenziosa, era per lei il godimento più profondo che potesse desiderare. Almeno non sarebbero uscite voci ipocrite dal marmo! Soltanto in quel luogo avrebbe potuto pensare. Solo lì la scia of his meditations would give life to his memories. With his head in his hands, his face weary and sobbing cry, remembering episodes in his past life, in which the brightness of his eyes could divide for a while 'tears.
's so love! The world does not accept us and unfortunately, we are the world! But you dream of me, because I will have other dreams before meeting your own!
shook his head at the sound of these words from the past, to forget everything, to fill his memory with a veil of oblivion. But he could not. Every time something was alone in her grief and moved her back to life. Only hope comforted: he would magazine, he would close his hand again and could enjoy it again. But she did not come! The hands on the clock ran down. The ticking had been slow before reaching the appointment time, but now their bike was fast and unstoppable. So is the time: slow pain, quick pleasure. His eyes were tired of counting the hours, closed them for a moment and the memory made her a small gift.
now seven years had passed since he had married Hector, an engineer generous and kind to which she loved but who did not like. She claimed to hate each other and his name was the primary cause: Mary, a common name, but that entails a responsibility to preserve the heritage of madre di Cristo. Ricordava ancora il giorno in cui, il suo futuro marito, glielo aveva chiesto in quel rumoroso locale di periferia e come lei si fosse affaticata a sussurrarglielo nell’orecchio. Lui non lo capì! Se ne avvide fuori dal locale, quando Ettore per chiamarla usava gesti o parole che gli evitavano di pronunciare il suono di un nome stroncato dalla musica assordante del locale.
Maria ! – si affrettò a ripetere la ragazza per evitare ulteriori imbarazzi.
Ah, scusami, ma con quel casino non avevo capito bene ! – disse l’altro grattandosi la testa per nascondere la sua distrazione. Maria si preoccupava di rassicurarlo. Non era la prima volta che doveva ripetere il suo nome, per quanto comune was.
I think it has a strange sound when it comes out of my mouth! - Said to explain the misunderstanding.
great tone! - Hector pointed managed to wrest from the lips of the other hint of a smile.
Their marriage became established very quickly. They became engaged by the second appointment, but she did not love him. His mind was occupied by another person whose name whispered several times in the night.
Chiara, why? - He cried at night once, making up her husband from the bed, it hastened to turn on the light.
What's treasure! - Asked Hector stringendola al petto. Lei piangeva, non aveva acquistato ancora pienamente i sensi e quando lo fece, si affrettò a nascondere il suo dolore con una menzogna:
Mia sorella Chiara è morta in un incidente stradale ed io alcune notti la ricordo gridando il suo nome ad alta voce !
Del resto nessuno, nemmeno il marito, si sarebbe accorto della bugia. Lei era fuggita dalla sua città per lasciarsi alle spalle il dolore di quell’amore finito. Aveva raccontato della morte dei suoi in tempo prematuro, e ora si affrettava ad aggiungere quest’altro particolare, di quest’ipotetica sorella, stroncata anche lei da un triste destino.
Non ti preoccupare, amore – diceva Ettore consolandola - I married you because I love you, I will accept any effects that your past has brought to your present. - Said the other by a short break. That break all the air had to precede a question and Mary feared.
Why do not you tell me before? - Asked in a nervous tone.
I have always tried to hide this discount! - She said disengaging himself from the other and covering his face with the sheet to lie better.
But I am your husband! - Wanted to clarify the other with his usual calm tone. His note of sentimentality not answered. Maria's eyes were still open; non avrebbe dormito per il resto della notte. Da allora però avrebbe dovuto evitare ogni altra intromissione del suo passato nel presente di lei e di Ettore. Così fu! Sfogava il suo dolore nel bagno prima di dormire, così nella notte la mente avrebbe riposato come purificata.
Ora però era sola ai piedi di quella statua. Che cosa avrebbe potuto dire del suo presente? Ancora una volta i ricordi invadevano la mente senza remora e i suoi occhi potevano riposare.
Chiara non era sua sorella! La conobbe molto tempo prima di sposare Ettore e la sua vita cambiò. Ricordava ancora di quella festa in casa di Carmen Fermi, una sua amica con l’ossessione della moda e del narcisismo. Era Luglio. Carmen festeggiava la sua laurea in law. He boasted of the vote received, magnifying his efforts and his studies. That night the house was full. Every corner was populated by many people, who sipped beer from a mug. Maria was sitting on a chair and drinking a liquor answered questions of her friends.
I did not think you'd be able to graduate so quickly! Referring to a girl, "said Carmen Maria but looking at a glance sideways, that was very enlightening. Maria looked away with shame. It was now five years who had enrolled at university and still delayed to put the final piece to his career as a student. Perhaps he felt a bit 'of envy for her friend graduate, but he knew stay outside and nothing transpired, except the shame for his failures.
You know, I work and study, to use this time to give more exams! - Said that the other had not addressed its a direct question. Moreover, the temptation to hide their shame is unstoppable.
not saying to you, Mary, I know what you do! - Ended the friend with an accent impregnated falsehood. Mary hid behind the glass of liquor. He realized that it was inappropriate; drinking could not compromise with his speeches.
you know who is with us tonight? - Carmen said breaking the awkward silence arisen. The other girls opened their mouths and stared as if he were to escape from his lips the secret of life.
We deign of his presence Miss Clare Round!
"Clear!" If you remember his name at the foot of the statue of Mary was pervaded by a thrill. But then he was completely indifferent. Clare was a very weird girl. After the death of his had gone to live with his grandparents, who left her free to do what he wanted. The premature loss of parents, however, had left her in a deep groove. He felt alone, abandoned and cast out this sense of distress showing gruff towards others. That evening she was the primary attraction. All the expected impatient and the sound of their voices lowly hiding a trap.
I asked almost with a sense of challenge! I knew that he would not and so I asked the question in a tone that was meant for its refusal. In stubborn people always work, any advice would be violated! - Carmen said, praising his art of lying. The other heard the snickering. Among the other Mary's smile was softer, not so much out of respect for the girl laughed, but his obsession to occupy any position in the backline. She did not like to be the lone voice, a common girl who wanted to be subservient to the ideas of others without cheer.
After hours of waiting for the girls you hush. I do not hope in a coming of Clare. The house was still full of people, but, almost morbid delight, he expected that lonely girl that would give new light to the party. The gate opened. The squeak that produced attracted the attention of all. Chiara had arrived! Shone from his face an air of satisfaction at having done his way. His entry into the villa was greeted by a background of grins. Carmen perfect host by inviting her to sit down without ceremony. - I'm glad you're here with us! - Said with a tone that clearly did reveal his desire to deride. Faced with such impudence, Clara lowered her face and her face turns d’imbarazzo. I ghigni aumentarono d’intensità. Nella sua testa malediceva il momento in cui aveva deciso di recarsi nel covo dei suoi carnefici. Timidamente occupò il posto vicino a Maria. Quest’ultima avvertì chiaramente dall’alito dell’altra, che aveva bevuto; i suoi occhi ne erano la conferma.
Allora Chiara – cominciò una ragazza alla sua destra gesticolando con le braccia – quale onore per noi averti qui stasera! Cosa ti ha spinta a venire qua ?
Chiara trovò una posizione più comoda sulla sedia e rispose a monosillabi per non far trasparire il suo stato di ebbrezza. – Una scommessa !
Ci offendi così ! – aggiunse Carmen who knew full well why the other was with them. His tone was full of biting irony. Meanwhile, Maria moved away from Clare. The odor of alcohol emanating was unbearable. He approached a friend's ear and whispered:
My God how drunk! - Let out a grin at the end of his remark that he was accompanied by that of his. Clare seemed to have heard the phrase. A brief glance toward Mary do enough to summarize his demeanor. The other friend, meanwhile, hastened to speak of the other ear to reveal all the secrets. A few seconds were enough to expose Clare!
drink with us I beg you ! – disse Carmen porgendo nelle mani di Chiara un bicchiere colmo di un forte liquore. L’altra lo tracannò tutto di un fiato e poggiandolo sul tavolo, fissò Carmen con uno sguardo di sfida. – Ma non fare complimenti, ne abbiamo quanto ne desideri – aggiunse la padrona di casa, con un accento irritato. Altri due sorsi di liquore bastarono per far cadere Chiara per terra. Le altre ragazza si affrettarono a circondarla. Due la presero di peso e la buttarono su una sedia sdraio vicino alla piscina. Carmen le buttò addosso un secchio d’acqua. Chiara scrollò la testa, ma non ebbe la forza di rialzarsi. – Su avanti bevine ancora ! – gridavano tutte in coro picchiandola a loro modo. Ma lei, con il volto verso the ground and breathing almost imperceptibly, showed no signs of life. All continued to have fun on her. Mary had a sudden moment of emotion: it was wrong to take advantage of her open-minded that way. But she had not been first to reveal the state of intoxication of the girl? It hurt! But now he could rectify his mistake. Shouted the crowd, making them feel, for the first time, his voice above the others:
is enough, you want to kill her! - Said close to her and help her up. The others were stunned. - What are you doing Mary? - One of them asked in a tone of wonder. Of the grins on everyone's lips surrounded the gesture of the girl. – La sto aiutando ! – disse alzandola dal suolo e uscendo dal cerchio che le si era formato intorno. Fu un clamore generale. Quanti sorrisi sentì alle sue spalle! Riuscì a uscire dal cancello e condurre Chiara alla fontana vicino alla villa. Le rinfrescò il volto lentamente e le domandò come stava.
Meglio ! – rispose l’altra reggendosi sulle proprie gambe. Maria fu tranquillizzata. Il suo fiato e le sue movenze rivelavano la quantità di bicchieri tracannati, ma almeno ora era cosciente.
Ti chiedo scusa per quello che ti hanno fatto ! – disse fissandola negli occhi e sorridendo lievemente. Chiara s’infiammò. Si fece spazio con una mano per non vedere più il suo volto. Then when he found himself behind her, told her:
Why do you think better of them?
How much truth there was in his words. She was the creator of everything. He was ashamed of herself. Once processed in the mind without a plausible excuse to be addressed to Clare. When he turned to tell him she was already far away. You could hardly see its outline wobbly walking in the dark of night.
Maria had set the episode in his memory. He remembered and often biting his hands for what he had done. Clare reminded him often during the hours when they were alone and although his tone was ironic, she suffered.
The breath of wind touched the his face. She shivered it. That reality was tenuous train enough to drag it away from the path of his memory. He looked at his watch. She would not come that day. He rose to reach home. The husband was still at work.
Hello darling - Ettore said accepting that his wife did not even have time to hang your coat the coat. She went to her husband and kissed him coldly. He was not aware of its glaciers, was used.
Are you still at work? - Asked by placing both hands on the shoulders of Hector.
Yes, - said the other - I have to finish an important project for today, maybe I can have a better position if it proves successful. - Paused a moment to turn to her and squeezing his eyes as if to remember a name heard for the first time.
Chiara! - In the name Mary shuddered. Maybe her husband had discovered the deception, she knew that she had no sisters and that the story had told him long ago that was false. All his fears proved fruitless. He called some
Clare, said to be one of your high school friend. The memories? - Ettore said, turning his chair toward his wife. Mary tried to take the expression impassive as possible, but soon saw that it was inappropriate: he had to show some meraviglia alla notizia di una compagna che non vedeva da più di dieci anni .
Si – rispose – la ricordo, abbiamo fatto gli ultimi tre anni insieme, ma da quando mi sono trasferita a Roma, non l’ho più rivista!
Possibile che Ettore non aveva notato l’analogia fra quel nome e quello della fantomatica sorella? Forse non voleva parlargliene alla luce della reazione avuta l’ultima volta? Oppure voleva vedere quale espressione avrebbe assunto il suo volto al suono di un nome a lui sconosciuto? Comunque non era questo il problema che la preoccupava maggiormente ora! Il suo timore più grande era che Chiara aveva telefonato a casa sua, non sul suo cellulare dove l’aveva sentita l’ultima time. What does this mean? A stubborn will to Clare of reconnecting with the past, or a coincidence beautiful and good? On the other hand should not be afraid. No one could imagine who it was very clear. What until then had been his sister, now had become his sole companion. Everything looked normal, it was she who could be compromised by his frightened expression. You're not good
Mary? - Asked Hector worried about his wife's pale. - No, do not worry I'm fine and just now I feel a little 'tired. - Said, tapping his head with one hand. The husband's invitation to go to bed and rest, he would soon be reached. - You put the safety of windows? - Ask Mary. Her husband, already turning back toward the monitor of his computer, he argued with his head. The warmth of the blankets gave comfort to the members of Mary chilled. The next day was to review Clare.
II
The dream gave her some memory. She seemed to be back in his country. Many years had passed, but the plunge into the consciousness of their origins was startled by the emotion in his heart. Clare was there, on that old bench. She was beautiful as all the times he had met, it seemed that nothing had changed. His mischievous smile, his eyes trying timid di evitare l’orbita di quelli di Maria. Erano i tratti del suo viso che la attraevano di più. Maria si avvicinò. Si sedette accanto e la baciò, sfiorandole appena le labbra. Un saluto fievole, un fuggente attimo di emozione, ucciso dalla sua sconvolgente dichiarazione:
Parti Maria, fuggi da me! – cominciò Chiara alzandosi dalla panchina.
Io non ti abbandonerò mai – rispose Maria imitando il gesto dell’altra e afferrandole un braccio.
Invece te ne andrai! Io non passo farlo. Sai che mia nonna non potrebbe restare da sola, la sua malattia non glielo permette. Inoltre non ho i soldi per allontanarmi … - continuò Chiara girandosi e pronunciando il suo discorso in face to face, almost like a threat to you. But a threat is not accompanied by the tears of those who pronounce it. His eyes were filled with tears, her lips trembling.
love Why are you crying? - Maria asked an attitude sad. Her eyes were shiny. Chiara wiped her tears with her arm and said
I do not want to destroy you ... - a sob accompanied his words. An essence of alcohol came from his mouth.
you drunk again - Maria scolded, shaking his drunken body of the other - you promised me! - Clare shook her head.
Yes, it's true! I drank! You one more reason to leave, run away. - A fake smile s'impresse on Mary's lips.
You're crazy! How could I escape? I have a family! My father and my mother got it? - Clare turned around with the air of not wanting to give more explanations.
I will have been warned! You and I can not live together. I will make your life miserable. All of us know now. If still your father and your mother are not aware of the facts, run away. People will forget about you and your daughter that you will remember how she left for work and not for the lesbian who fell in love with un'ubriacona. I will never forget you, because my life is not will be meaningful without you, but I have to save, I can only think of me. And 'love it! The world does not accept us and unfortunately, we are the world! But you dream of me because I will have other dreams before meeting your own! - Turned away to hide her tears, then, with all the breath he could gather, he cried - Run away from here, run!
The last words rang in Mary a sleepy mind countless times. Like a cloud of dust obscured the dream consciousness of reality. A cry came out from his lips: No
, Clare did not do it! - Shouted getting out of bed and opening his eyes. When shooting full consciousness of what her surroundings, she realized it was wrong: his bedroom, the door ajar, the sound of quick footsteps coming down the stairs. He had given that name again compromising. The husband was rushing into the room, but she really felt as she screamed? With his hands through his hair, hiccups in the breath and stood looking down to get closer to the mirror.
I have called love? Are you not well? - Ettore said, throwing open the door. So he had not heard anything? Maria was safe, immune to the questions she would remember the past. - Sure you love, I feel better. I shot a little 'head, I feel dizzy, but otherwise ... - The husband approached keyboards his forehead with one hand and said:
Yes, you are much better. However, it is normal that you feel dizzy, the fever has subsided a lot since last night. Fear that you gave me, I was going to call the emergency room, but you you've calmed down. I did not understand what a start muttering .... It's not that you have a trip planned with some fan? - Hector asked ironically. - And who want to come with me? I'm getting old Hector, I'm only thirty-five and fifty to demonstrate. - The other guard said with a smile that demanded a kiss. - But if you're beautiful, the most beautiful woman in the world! - Ettore said, responding to smile, brushing lips.
Oh by the way - said towards the door - he called again and given that Chiara had a fever, I thought you would do well to review one of your old friend and told her to go this morning, giving the address! - Opening the door closed.
What did you do? - Mary said opening her eyes wide and frightened.
I invited this morning to us, why should not I? - Ettore said, shrugging.
Mary could not resist much. The expression of surprise, her husband already had compromised. A further his stubbornness not to accept that her friend was coming from her, could be a source of suspicion. He tried to take the attitude that was used. - Of course you did well! I prepare myself and get down! E 'already arrived? - Mary said running a brush through her hair. - No, should arrive at eleven. I'm going to go shopping, there's nothing in the fridge. Could it stay for lunch ... - Hector said. Mary looked in the mirror and not looking more into the eyes of her husband. - Yes, it could! - Answered with a dry tone. Ettore shut the door behind her leaving a small opening, from where he ended his conversation with Mary
you sure can leave you alone? - He said obligingly. Mary did not turned around, but tried to answer him looking at his reflection in the mirror. - It is safe, I'm better, thanks.
The door closed. Maria waited for a moment. It had to be certain that her husband had been released. The thud that resulted when the door is closed reassured. She threw herself on the bed. He raised his eyes to the ceiling. What would he do now? How strange it seemed frightened at the thought of the idea of \u200b\u200bseeing clearly. At one time their meetings are the meaning of his life, but now ... everything had changed: the relationship, age and how to deal with events. Yet his memory still rocking as the waves of the sea. To think that more than ten years had passed since they had kissed for the first time, made her feel bad. An unambiguous evil that was wrong, but paradoxically made her feel alive. He remembered the last years of college. It was the time when he had to put the final exams and then he would graduate. "Political Science", that silly degree! She never fully enjoyed. He attended classes for only a fresh imposition of the father in the family that he wanted at least a "doctor" and the fact that Mary was un'inetta in politics did not interest him much. Missed about ten days to the submission of the thesis and her colleagues organized a bonfire on the beach to celebrate the end of their university career. Mary accepted the invitation. Not that she liked so much to spend all night on the wet sand, but the idea of \u200b\u200bbeing locked in houses in those endless days past the oppressed. That evening he left his home much more quickly than usual:
Where are you going tonight? No longer used to ask permission? - His father asked ironically. Maria turned and almost hit really from that false accusation. - You're right. I go with my faculty colleagues to celebrate outside. I miss a few chapters of the thesis and tonight I'm not going to study just ... - The father sports a loving smile. He did not want to know where her daughter went. He would go out so rarely that he liked that she felt the need to breathe a little 'different than the air of his room. The only thing that bothered him was that his "little girl" coming out had not greeted as usual. - Just kidding honey! - Said going to meet her daughter and kissing her forehead lovingly. - Go and enjoy! Soon you will have to think of the work to be done for life and when you have achieved, will regret these moments!
Maria smiled. After greeting his father, he closed the door behind him. He came to the beach on time. A bunch of cars were parked around. From a distance we saw a small blaze. Unrecognizable shadows were moving around. Approached dopo aver girato la chiave nella serratura della sua macchina. Le ombre divennero più riconoscibili. Tutti l’accolsero baciandola e offrendole una birra. Parlarono fino a tarda ora. Poi una sua amica si alzò dal suolo. Era più ubriaca rispetto alle altre. – Vado a prendere una birra al pub vicino ! – singhiozzava a ogni parola, barcollava a ogni passo. Maria si levò in piedi, le prese i soldi che aveva in mano e la invitò a risedersi. – Vado io stai pure qui ! – Camminò fino a raggiungere l’altra parte della strada. Le insegne luccicanti del pub attirarono la sua attenzione. Nonostante l’ora molte persone sorseggiavano ancora birra e alcolici vari. Appena entrò, fu squadrata dagli sguardi degli around and hit men from their drunken laughter. You rinse the bar slowly. Keep it all in the room in a strange way. What was different from others? Tentatively ordered a beer the bartender handed him the money on the counter like a child who goes to buy what they need with the money counted. - Other? - Asked the bartender to address a strange look, but more human than others. - No! - She said, lowering her eyes in shame. She seemed to see a smile on the lips of others, when he turned to take the drink. Next to her was a girl with his head down on the counter. The whiskey was almost empty. The bartender handed him the beer and gave it to Mary uncorked senza levarle gli occhi di dosso. – Grazie ! – aggiunse mantenendo la stessa espressione e costringendo l’altra a guardarlo. Maria fu costretta a ricambiare il sorriso con un’ipocrita movenza delle labbra. La ragazza accovacciata vicino alzò il viso reclamando altro liquore. – Basta – disse il barista senza nemmeno guardarla negli occhi – per oggi il bicchiere rimarrà vuoto!
Maria la riconobbe. Chiara? Non l’aveva più vista da quella volta in cui l’aveva salvata dalle grinfie delle sue amiche. Era molto cambiata. Le occhiaie erano più marcate, l’alcool e la mancanza di sonno avevano trasformato i suoi occhi. Eppure Maria riusciva a vedere ancora qualcosa di bello in the gaunt figure. Clare stood up abruptly, knocking the stool to the ground and screaming in the face of the boy who refused to give her as requested. - I said I can not dartene more. - Looked up briefly while rinsing a mug under the water - you do not see how you have reduced? Have a go, if you want you can come back tomorrow! - He said, looking down to leave it more. - Please, give me the bottle you'll pay! - Said the girl. The other seemed not to hear. - Please, I'll do anything you want! - Continued trying to persuade him. At these words the other closed water and wiped his hands with a rag. - Everything you said? - Asked squeezing his cheeks with a strong hand. Clare agreed. He sold his soul to have another drink: let alone her body. He followed the bartender in a room. Mary had watched the whole scene. He decided to wait it out. After a while, 'Clare left the room. Her face was bruised, swollen eyes, the golf open was a glimpse of the breasts, the button was unbuttoned jeans: it was left to rape. The liquor bottle dangling from his right hand. Maria approached her. He would not blame her. - Hello, do you remember me? - Asked him to stop trying to look at his eyes. But the other pupils were no longer used to meet those of others. - I do not know who you are! - Chiara replied abruptly moving the other and keep walking. - I'm Maria Della Torre! - Added the other without looking. Clare stood still repeating the name with an attitude just heard sad. - Maria! - Lowered his gaze for a moment and raised a laugh. Maria did not understand, but stood still. The attitude of the other became sad again. - What did you do? Change? - The compassion he said pointing out that Mary had given her that night in that dark night, removing it from the crowd "killer." - See you've lost, I will not change ever! - Concluded. A moment of silence surrounded the two, and then Clare lowers her head and all the rubbish spewing drunk. The bottle slipped from his hands and shattered on the ground. Mary rushed to support the front. After he helped her to sit on a bench. He vomited twice more. Then it seemed that his stomach was quelled. - Every night is the usual story! - Made it clear - I drink, purpose and vomiting. Then I end up babbling to herself. - Concluded by looking at the remains of his hangover that fermented on the ground. - This evening, however, are not alone! - Maria added, interrupting the monologue of the other. Clare picked up the strength to give a slight smile. - Ah, poor deluded. Si è soli anche in una folla. Se pensi che il bacio del tuo ragazzo, l’abbraccio di tua madre o le parole di conforto dei tuoi amici possano tirarti fuori dal vuoto di cui la tua coscienza è pervasa ti sbagli. Per quanto ti adoperi a sfuggire al nulla, prima o poi devi giungerci. Tutto alla fine è nulla. – disse appoggiando la schiena alla panchina e liberando il capo dietro di sé. – Non dire così – continuò Maria – è solo un momento brutto poi passerà ! – Chiara sollevò il capo e la fissò negli occhi. – Cosa ti fa pensare che tutto passi? Noi tendiamo a vedere la vita come un’oasi di felicità che la morte distrugge coattamente. Ma se fosse il contrario? Se la morte if only our deliverer? Once thought to this but not anymore! Not even death frees us! The nothing around us, we are the nothing that eats anything, we are beings who do not live enough to see grow what we've created. - Maria looked at carefully. As blame her? - Anyway, thanks! - Clare went on - I've watched twice and I never thanked you. You are Mary, right? - Asked with an air of sad looking brown her mouth with a faint smile.
You Chiara! - Answered the other. Clare was surprised that anyone remembered his name, but the surprise did not last long because Maria continued:
Non ringraziarmi per l’aiuto, sai non è stato solo per pietà che l’ho fatto ?
E per cosa allora? – domandò l’altra guardando negli occhi Maria come se avesse intuito la causa recondita che l’aveva spinta a compiere il gesto di quella notte. Maria fu scossa da una strana sensazione. Non aveva provato mai niente del genere. Il suo stomaco brontolava come in prede a un improvviso attacco di fame, ogni membro del suo corpo tremava e il cuore le sussurrava emozioni che solo in seguito avrebbe capito chiaramente:
Non lo immagini? – domandò poi afferrandole la mano e ricambiando lo sguardo che le aveva rivolto prima.
Può darsi? – rispose Chiara's mouth twisted in an unnatural way with a touch of coquetry and looking away from her. Mary then decided the other grabbed her face and kissed her with all the passion that stirred within. That kiss was the most beautiful and durable that Mary had ever given. Maria
Now in the solitude of his room could not remember the precise details of that night, but the feelings on the beach with Clare remained indelible. The doorbell rang. Maria jumped up. She had arrived! How would welcome? When the door opened, the figure of a woman stood before her. A rather frail boy timidly pressed the hand. There was no doubt the She was definitely Clare. His eyes had lost strength and her skin had become less bright, but he recognized among a thousand. - Hello Mary! - Began leaving the woman clutching the hand of little Mary with affection. - How long has it been since ... - Maria gave her a faint smile and walked over to give her a kiss on the cheek. That simple act left on the lips of Mary the taste of being compromised. If he could, he would not hesitate to kiss her lips and make love to her. But he could not admit it. Everything had changed: the relationships, places and passions, everything had by now given way to another. - What good wind? - Maria asked ironically stifling a smile between the teeth of hatred. Clare looked down. She was embarrassed. Knew that she had painstakingly built a new life, to escape his past and he felt guilty to be entered in its new core coated so emotional. He lifted his gaze sheepishly and pointing it in the house with a small voice asked: - Can I! - Now that Maria was embarrassed. He was filled with guilt a person who had only wanted to see it. She also looked down and invited the two to enter. He had them sit in the living room and taking the TV remote control handed to the child, smiling. - Please see Chiara and I need the TV chat. - Make the tone on the last word, we turn to mocking the other, who blushed. They walked into the adjoining room and began to argue heatedly. The television volume was high. The child could not hear their dispute. Discuss all the negative things of the past and every memory recalled a scream. - Why did you come here? We could see out to a bar, but not here! - Mary cry shaking hands in the face of Clare. - Mary I had to do, I ... - answered the other trying to introduce his argument, but Maria did not allow it. - But what you had to ruin my life, as ... - to queste parole anche il tono di Chiara divenne aspro. – Come che cosa? Volevi dire come ho già fatto? Dai ammettilo ! – l’altra si calmò. Si accorse di essere stata inopportuna. – Non volevo dire questo. E’ solo che è passato molto tempo, tante cose sono cambiate … - Chiara la interruppe bruscamente. – Ma una cosa è rimasta immutata ! – Maria aveva compreso quello che Chiara voleva dire, ma desiderava sentire dalle sue labbra quell’ammissione di affetto. – Che cosa vuoi dire ? – domandò. Chiara si girò su se stessa osservando per un attimo il bambino che aveva gli occhi fissi sullo schermo. Poi si voltò. Trattenne il fiato. Un attimo di silenzio precedette la sua frase, poi il suono delle sue parole seducenti quanto amare. – Il nostro amore Maria, il nostro … - Maria le mise una mano sulla bocca. – Basta, hai detto già troppo non permetterti di ripetere quella parola, tutto è perduto, tutto è passato ! – L’altra si levò con dolcezza la mano di Maria dalla bocca e trattenendo sempre il suo polso le domandò: - Perché non è così? Non continua il nostro amore ? – Maria rimase imbambolata. Borbottava confusamente. – Ma io … non lo so … non posso … Ettore … - Chiara le lasciò il polso. Lei si riprese. Il fatto di non avere un diretto contatto con lei, la aiutava a trattenere meglio le sue emozioni. - Do not worry - he began sitting on a low chair close - I do not want to awaken our past. We have so much love and even if this feeling is still alive, we can no longer continue. - At this point Mary could not help but intervene. - Then why did you come? - Clare stood up. Walking up and down for short stretches helped her to think. - I did not come for us or for me ... - contracted in a strange way his mouth - even for me and say in a certain sense to you ... - the contradictory discourse of Clare, denoting its latent anxiety and insecurity, made her smile Mary. - But you're delirious? - Then the smile turned into a critical and inquisitive. - Have you been drinking again! You promised me ... see how to reduce you ... - waved their hands in the other sense of dissent - no more, I stopped drinking for a long time but ... - Mary was increasingly confused. He went to repeat the last word of his sentence. - Ma? - Chiara swallowed vacuum to get the courage. Silence. - But ... - tried to make his state the most essential way possible. - I was diagnosed with a ... - shuddered to pronounce that word, to appoint his executioner - cancer ... - The word echoed repeatedly in the mind of Mary, who opened his eyes. - Tu-mo-re? - Repeated stuttering. A tear fell down accidentally by one of his eyes. He tried to suffocate the other. - A liver cancer! - Chiara said accentuating the deep anxiety with more details of Mary. - I do not long to live - continued - doctors say they groped with chemotherapy, but I was deprived of all hope. Metastasis is already very extensive and ... well you can not do much. - Maria hours crying bitterly. He walked slowly to Clare and touched her as if she were the last time. - Do not cry, please - clearly said to comfort each other. Le accarezzò i capelli con una mano e la sensazione che il tatto le regalò, le fece nascere un sorriso tenue sulle labbra. – Che cosa posso fare io ? – domandò Maria guardando l’altra negli occhi. Una voce provenne dal salotto: - Mamma ! – ed echeggiò nell’abitazione. Quell’urlo infantile aveva sciolto molti nodi nella mente di Maria. – Mio figlio ! – si affrettò a precisare Chiara senza voltarsi, osservando il viso dell’altra per carpirne ogni mutamento. Ma l’espressione di Maria non rilevò niente. Non era mai stata tanto vuota. Si limitò soltanto ad acconsentire con un cenno del capo. Chiara un figlio? Anche lei si era sposata per cessare di ricordare? No, anything. If Mary had been Hector outlet of his feelings destroyed in order to clarify the only comfort was in the bottom of a glass of brandy. - You were playing for two years or more. - Chiara said, describing the day in which he believed to be pregnant. It was again sitting in his chair. - I continued to drink - Maria gave her a look of disdain, but what would be worth now? - Yes ... I know I made a mistake - tried to justify the other - though I did not. I spent all my grandmother's pension. You know, survived for three or four years after your departure. I regularly pocketed his money, but not enough for me ever. As the evening ... - told of a bar, one of the many who attended. A bartender promised a bottle of brandy ... if she agreed to - yes, you understand, I am only ashamed to say! - Clare continued. Maria gave a bitter smile. - But you did! - Chiara twisted lips and soon her cheeks were full of tears. - Yes, unfortunately! - The other would speak: - Why did not you tell him? - Clare smiled. - And what do you think would respond? "Let's get married, let's make three other children." - Paused to mark the entry to most of what he would say - I was just a bitch Mary for him. And then I'm not even sure of the authorship of Charles - Those words Mary shuddered. Charles was just the little beast more tortured. He was alone with a mother who was about to leave and did not even know who had given their lives. Even if he had known, would not have achieved anything. Only a further blow, just another confirmation of its nature as a "son of a bitch." - Mom! - Repeated in a shrill voice and uncertain the child from the living room. The two ran.
III
The room was shrouded in silence. The ticking clock on the wall reminded that it was time for lunch. Mary thought of her husband to return because it was late? It will surely find
traffic, however at this time! - She said to Clare externalizing his own inner thoughts.
must be a very handsome ... - Chiara said stroking the hair of the little Charles who was resting quietly with his head resting on his knees. Mary glanced at the floor. The words were projected in front of the other to its hypocritical nature. An indescribable remorse the saliva from the depths of the bowels. It was a long time since I felt a similar sentiment. - Yes, - he began - is just a great husband. Its only flaw is that he loves to ... me - Clare almost interrupted the speech of the other coated:
talk as if the love only came from him, as if you do not reciprocate his feelings ... - Maria stood up and raised his voice:
It is not true ... - Charles shook his head for a moment and let out a groan of impatience almost as if he were to wake up, but he did not. Maria dropped her voice, but continued with his tone laden with anger. - I love to Hector. It was he who took me out of the darkness that I carried inside ... ... it's just that - put a hand over his eyes as if to hold back the tears. He sat down again beside clear - and I just do not feel full, I'm almost afraid to show him my love and some times I get the feeling of being with a stranger. Well ... - Clare looked at her eyes and gave a quick smile
So do not love him ... - Maria shook her head. He could not lie anymore:
Why you enjoy to hurt me? I do not even know what I feel ... and then - put his hand on her - I do not want to miss! - A tear stained hands of Clare - I'll do anything to save ... - Chiara squeezed the hand of the other and closed his eyes giving off a faint sigh that invited Mary to keep quiet
Unfortunately you can not save me! Not There's nothing you can do ... at least for me - looked at him with affection for the baby - I've already talked about this. You have to take care of Charles, loving him as a mother, as I would have done if I could ... - Maria affectionately embraced each other and weeping bitterly illusion sentences to which she believed even more: You can ...
- Chiara clenched teeth and closed her eyes enjoying that hug. The key turned in the lock. Mary hastened to disband by the warm close. He quickly wiped the tears
Love, I'm back - he said aloud, Ettore believing that Mary was over and that Clare had not yet arrived. Mary is lifted off the couch and headed for the door to invite Hector to lower his voice
Why what happened? - Asked Hector with shopping bags in their hands. Maria renewed its call for placing a finger over his mouth to make it more effective. She took her husband's arm and led him into the living room, where he showed him the baby who was sleeping on the couch:
Ah, sorry I did not know! - Ettore said following the advice of his wife and speaking in a low voice - you must be clear ... - Maria asked with her eyes on each other. Clear so gently rested his head on the small couch and tried to stand quietly:
Sorry but I have to be careful, if it were to wake up, have trouble! - Came up to Hector and shook his hand. - Mary, I have already talked a lot about you ... - glanced ironic that the other looked away - you're a very lucky man, she is the best person I know ... - Clare at the time thought not to have known many people in his life, or at least not fully known to them. He felt very lonely, useless and fragile. Hector left the hand of the other and invite you to sit next sedendole:
And - said giving more praise to the figure of his wife - is it true I could not find anything better. But tell me a bit 'of you. We know from a lot? - That question echoed in the room and caught Mary. His memory began to travel. A memory already met came before. The bench, the lights of the bar, the sound of the sea, the warmth of those lips that had touched. His anxiety, his inner warmth and pleasure that rose from the depths of the same air as his intoxicated person. Clare was there beside him with her eyes closed, his hands trembling and heart pounding in my chest. The trembling lips moved feebly. Broke away from the kiss for a moment and stood for a moment, intoxicated with his eyes closed:
Why did you do?
Yes, it is because you did Mari? - Chiara asked from the couch. Maria looked around and saw himself surrounded by the walls of his house. It was no longer in the size of its memory. Yet the question was a distant echo of his consciousness. He was afraid. He shuddered at the thought that the other had been able to tell their story. With a small voice asked, pretending not to have understood:
Done what? - Clare smiled almost as if he sensed the thoughts of the other, then continued:
Why did you help that night when I was drunk ... you remember ... we were not just on good terms at that time, yet you have forsaken the grievances for his help and since then we became inseparable ... - Maria calmed. He decided to play the game:
Maybe because I was more drunk than you ... - he said, laughing. The other two followed her nell'ilarità.
was now seven in the evening, when Clare decided to leave. He had very pleased to have Maria revised after a long time, but something was worried. The man, quell'ingegnere tall and strong, confident eyes, fearless and even burning, had made him jealous. But nothing could leak suffer. Maria and Hector did not wait long before going to bed: they were very tired and the warmth of the blankets wrapped them now in the grip of Orpheus.
The ringing of the phone broke the barrier of sleep. Maria opened her eyes and forced repeatedly rubbing his face turned a quick glance at the clock: it was four, who could be at that hour? He lay on the body of Hector, as the phone was on the table beside him and reached out a hand up the phone and let out a hoarse ready.
Lady forgive me for hours, and police are ... - that sentence was suspended filled with awe the soul of Mary, which I furiously on the body of Hector woke with a start. The man, not yet fully acquired the contact with the Actually, it was ape movements and tried to wake up rubbing his eyes and strongly requesting information to Mary: What happened
... - Maria with an unusual movement of the lips invited him to be silent, to enable it to understand what the voice said from 'other end of the wire.
I know I should not say so ... all of a sudden - the policeman went to the receiver, trying to gain time - I assume that you were very related ...
Tie? I? Who - Mary asked stunned.
Eh ... Eh ... - hesitant voice broke. But Maria quell'esitazione enough to understand everything. His life became the front in a flash and his legs gave way as if they had to bear the weight of the globe.
Clear Round ... - the voice kept talking telegraph - was found lying on the floor in a pool of blood, after having called us saying that he warned a noise and saw a man in the shadows ... the child had been put to bed and slept again until our arrival.
What can I do? - Maria was left stunned. He felt so much pain inside him that his mouth would not be enough for outdoor use. Only his eyes were brooding in an indefinable malaise, so full of tears, that did not even have the strength to flow down her cheeks. Suddenly began to hate that voice. Both had been in the diplomatic report the name and so cynical and cruel in any way describe the tragedy. Men are so stupid. Underestimate the importance of glia for other things and believe they can think uniquely, as if everyone had their proiezioni.Com 'life is strange! A body that previously contained a life suddenly becomes inanimate. What a paradox! It takes nine months to give birth to a creature, but a second can put an end to his life. But is that really so? And if we were, obtuse primates with the claim to rationalize everything, not to charge the life that still persists in the body not being able to share the dimension that is projected living soul, not understanding what is presented to us in various forms of the ordinary appear? These questions running through his mind of Mary, but what would you serve? The limits of human feeling are well defined and the inability to perceive existence after death is one of them. Unfortunately or fortunately, God has given us that and maybe there is a reason ...
A note ... - continued to explain the cop on the phone - is written on his name, phone number and address. We have found the body of the victim. If you can reach us the courtesy of the apartment of her friend ...
Mi può dare l’indirizzo … - disse Maria interrompendo il discorso dell’altro.
Come l’indirizzo, non ha detto di conoscerla ?
Si – precisò Maria – la conoscevo. Siamo state grandi … - fece una pausa strozzando la voce su una parola che le risultava difficile proferire – si amiche, ma molto tempo fa. L’ho rivista solo ieri dopo tanto tempo e …
Si capisco – disse la voce impedendo a Maria di scoppiare in un pianto tenuto prigioniero fino a quel momento – il palazzo si trova in via … - e spiegò ogni particolare, la strada, il piano a cui doveva recarsi.
Dopo aver riagganciato Maria, guardò straight ahead. In the dark, could see the image of his Clare. Her husband called her behind her insistence, but she was as alienated. Hector tried to touch it to turn it, but the other stripped him off his hand furiously, as if he had suffered acts of violence.
What are you doing? - Asked horrified. She turned slowly in darkness. His face was illuminated by the light of the lamp gradually, revealing an angry face and forced expression, which sought to forcibly restrain her tears. Hector continued to stare, she slowly approached her, grabbed her pajamas and began to shake crying
Chiara! - Name it was liberating, her face was flooded by the fury of her tears. She clung to his chest to look for Hector's a comfort, continuing to blow off steam like a river in flood. The other could not help but embrace it warmly, and his eyes suggested the full knowledge of the events:
Chiara ... - he whispered to himself, as if to give a name to his wife's incessant crying.
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